She sits behind the window. Staring but not seeing. Only blurred images seem to flow through the frame of her window. She picks up the cup and as she puts it to her lips, the tears begins to flow. Another day spent in hopelessness. She is not homeless. She has a family that love her. She has a life that many would see as comfortable. Then why does she feel anxious and hopeless? Why can’t she just snap out of it? The demons inside doesn’t let her breathe, but she suffers in silence because she doesn’t want anyone to know that she suffers from dark moods. In other words she suffers from depression. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from, it affects us all at some point in our lives, but we choose to shove it under the table. Perhaps if we were open to our feelings and shared them with others perhaps maybe many would have not have succumbed to feelings of suicide, or worse actually go through it. However, there are people who don’t understand and tell you to shake it off and get over it. Or perhaps they think you are weak and unable to function, but many are high functioning individuals who suffer in complete silence, and when they commit suicide, people are shocked because they didn’t see it coming.
My mother suffered through it, I have suffered through it, but no one can know your pain unless you experience yourself. There are good days and bad, but when it’s bad, you just throw the covers over your head and sleep in the hopes your dreams will take you to a happier place.
My work hints at these feelings as when I photograph empty streets at night or day showing aloneness and eeriness. Other times I do self portraits that perform darkness that evoke a sense of anxiousness and foreboding.
If you feel darkness, then please seek help. It’s ok, you are not alone. We are not alone.